The Journal of a Very Old Man
by ryclar123
Summary: A look into The Ninth Doctor's entries into the 500 (1500 now) Year Diary.


I hate when people say it's all going to be alright. It's not alright. It's terrible. Not fantastic at all. I think I'll go eat some bananas now.

The Doctor

* * *

I met a girl earlier. I met her as I was about to blow up the building she worked in. I think I'm getting better at this introduction thing.

The Doctor

* * *

The same girl from before took home the arm I pulled off of one the plastics. She tried to get me to talk to her, but everyone who knows about me, or associates with me winds up hurt or dead. I do not want to do that to another person.

The Doctor

* * *

What the bloody hell was I thinking? I asked the girl from before to join me! Sure, she was fantastic with the Nestene and I wouldn't be here without her. At least she refused me. I don't deserve to have anyone with me. I should always be a lonely traveler. That's the thing. I hate the loneliness.

The Doctor

* * *

I saved a family from death on the Titanic and saw Kennedy get shot. I caused Krakatoa's eruption. As it turns out a Kweuta recognized me and tried to bury me in the lava. I got out of there in time, of course, but it was all my fault. I could have stopped him. Maybe I could give that girl from before a try again. I think I might need someone to steady me. But only one more chance. That's it.

The Doctor

* * *

I showed the girl the end of her world. Really, she took it a lot better than I thought she would. It was a test to see how she would react. If you consider the major culture shock, and nearly dying she did really well. I think she'll shape up to be one of the more memorable companions.

The Doctor

* * *

Ghosts! Ghosts in Cardiff! Well, not really ghosts. They were gas creatures called the Gelth. And guess who I met? Charles Dickens! That's right! Rose and I would have died in a cellar because of the Gelth if it weren't for him. And oh, Rose looked beautiful today in that dress, [the comma appears to have originally been a period, but was changed to a comma after some thought] considering she's a human, of course. I made a good decision in going back for her.

The Doctor

* * *

I took Rose back home today. Just so she could visit her family. Turns out, made a mistake. 12 months instead of 12 hours. Can't expect me to get everything right, can you? I'm only a Time Lord. I uncovered a plan by the Siltheen from Raxicoricophalipatorius to cause World War Three. A lot of good UNIT soldiers died though. And I thought I was going to die there for a bit. But Rose trusted me to do what I needed to do, even if it meant us dying. She barely even knows me, and she was willing to trust me. Then, she didn't give up. I said we were probably going to die, but she would not take it laying down. And we got out of there alive. That really says something about Rose Tyler. Even Mickey the Idiot, though I prefer Ricky, performed well. I offered him a spot on the TARDIS, but he said he couldn't deal with it. I can respect that about him. And he helped wipe the digital trail to me. Rose packed up and now I'm stuck with her. That's not a bad thing either. I do love traveling with her. She makes traveling worthwhile.

The Doctor

* * *

I wasn't the only survivor of the Time War. A Dalek survived. Rose was able to destroy it, not by causing its death, really. She changed the little devil into a creature who could feel. I became the monster. I was reminded of who I really am. The destroyer of worlds. The death bringer. Can I really be called The Doctor?

ΘΣ

* * *

What can I say, I picked up a stupid ape. I took care of him though, tossed him right back home. The idiot. I don't know what Rose saw in him.

ΘΣ

* * *

Rose loves a little too much. And she's not very good at following some of my orders. I said 'Don't touch the baby', and she touches the baby. I tried so hard to save her father for her. I just… couldn't.

ΘΣ

* * *

Everybody lived. Everybody. Lived. What are the odds of that? Oh, I feel so giddy now. I saved everyone. Not one died. I picked up Captain Jack Harkness, even though he was a bit of a coward and caused the entire problem. He didn't mean to, really. And he saved our lives by stopping that bomb. Rose was fantastic. She always is, but really, she did well, though hitching a ride on a zeppelin wearing a union jack plastered on her chest was not a great choice really. We danced together too. The first time around we didn't really dance. We mostly stood there talking. After everything was over, though, I got in the groove. After all, I didn't want her to dance with Jack. Who knows what she might catch from him? I think I might [there is a few lines of scribbled out text] I love Rose Tyler. Truly. I didn't realize it before, but it just sort of snuck up on me. Just thinking of her _dancing_ with Jack made my blood boil. I think it started back with the Slitheen. I can't tell her of course. It would make things too weird and difficult. Plus, I doubt she even thinks of me that way. Who could love a man who killed all of his people?

The Doctor

* * *

We met up with Mickey back on Earth. Everything went extremely well, until I realized that a Slitheen had survived. However, in the end we were able to solve it. Or should I say, the TARDIS solved it. She looked into the heart of the TARDIS. Turned her into an egg. This machine never ceases to amaze. I think in the future I'll miss our little group, Rose, Jack and Mickey. Yes, even Mickey. I do like the kid, just can't help but have fun teasing the bloke.

The Doctor

* * *

I can feel my body slowly dying. Rose is going to wake up soon. I can only hope my next self will love Rose as I do, and do well for her. I don't think Rose would take too kindly to an incident like I had with Peri when I regenerated. This me is going to die. My last request is that my future selves forgive themselves for what he did. It was for the good of the universe, and I would not change it if I had the chance. My only regret is that I never told Rose how I felt before I go. I lo [a trail of ink leads off the page as if quickly to hide the journal in the middle of writing]

* * *

Clara stared at the page of the journal. Why would he have something like this in the library? This was a previous Doctor writing in this journal. Not Chinny that she traveled with. What confused her most was the fact this other Doctor did not want to change the whole 'destroy Gallifrey' thing, whereas her Doctor and a previous self of his helped stop the destroying of Gallifrey. She figured this Doctor was after grandpa, but before sand shoes. And Rose. She had heard that name before... but where? The Doctor didn't ever talk about a Rose, but he obviously cared about her quite a bit in the past, even admitting that he loved her in the journal. Clara felt awful all of a sudden. The journal was so very personal to The Doctor.

Rose! That was it! When she was a little girl, she knew a Rose. Rose Tyler was her name. They were friends before she, meaning Clara, had to move to a different part of London because her father got a job across town. They tried to keep in contact, but when Clara was around 16 (Rose was what, 18? 19?) they lost contact. Could it be the same Rose? Sure, they weren't super close by the time contact was completely lost, but could it really be such a coincidence?

"Hey!" Chinny's voice sounded from behind her. Clara jumped, snapping the journal closed.

"S-Sorry, Doctor, I just saw it and I didn't think. I began reading and then I realized what it was and..." Clara quickly explained.

"It's fine," Chinny said shaking his head, a smile spreading over his face, "Just hope you never meet that me. I'm pretty sure he'd kill you if he knew you read his entries."

"He was a lot... sadder," Clara noted. Chinny's face slightly darkened.

"He was fresh from the Time War, Clara. The pain was very close to him," Chinny replied, "Did you find it interesting?"

"Oh yeah. Rose was very important to you, but you never talk about her. What happened?" Clara wondered.

"I... I lost her," Chinny answered.

"Was she by chance, Rose Tyler?" Clara asked. Chinny raised an eyebrow (if he had any, that is) in surprise.

"Yes. How did you know?" Chinny inquired looking at Clara with a inquisitive look. Clara shrugged.

"Guessed," Clara lied. Chinny did not look satisfied with the answer but let her get away with it.

"Anyways!" Chinny said changing the subject, "We've landed on Yewlak, the planet of the blue sun. Let's go take a look!" Clara smiled and set the book down on a nearby table, following Chinny towards the entrance to have another adventure. While Clara was not usually the one to invade one's privacy, she considered perhaps coming back and reading the journal again. It was in the library after all. If he didn't want her to read he should've had it in his room or something. She had her diary hidden inside a teddy bear on a shelf by her bed. No one would look there. Chinny was just so... secretive. If she was going to travel with him, she needed to know more about him.

Justifying another peak into someone's personal diary was a very hard thing to do, but for now, Clara enjoyed the blue sun of Yewlak with her Doctor, Chinny.

**I hope you liked it! I might continue this later, but for now, I have other stories to attend to, so until such time, this will be a oneshot. Got the idea when I was reading a story here where there was a very small mention of Nine having a blog, and I thought, journal would be cool! So, here I went. I hope you enjoyed it!**


End file.
